


Butcher of Blaviken

by UlsPi



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cows, Disability, Disabled Character, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Love at First Sight, M/M, Meet-Cute, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27994326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi
Summary: Jaskier is a superstar... Geralt... Well, he's a butcher, ok?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 12
Kudos: 145





	Butcher of Blaviken

**Author's Note:**

> There are some bad animal rights activists mentioned. Before you all hate me, I was attacked in my car, with two young kids inside, by some young people who thought it was ok to scare my children because they rushed to the middle of the road to take some pictures of a truckful of cows in front of us. It wasn't crowded, the cows were ok.  
> I worked on a dairy farm too. I saw the good and the bad and the ugly. I also saw ppl post a picture of a chronically ill cow with a capture that accused us of torturing the animal. Apparently, there's enough ableism in the world to spare some for the cows. Yes, there was a chronically ill cow. She wasn't in pain, she just had a visible pathology, and no one rushed to kill her just because of it. There are brave and kind ppl who make sure animals aren't tortured. I very much doubt that said ppl approve of scaring the kids shitless.

Geralt doesn't mind rich clients. After all, said clients are what keeps his business… in business. Geralt isn't good with words. Geralt is good with animals, with horses and with bulls and cows. He's good with, well, being a butcher. And he's totally ok with delivering big orders to big households, he's not ready to deal with those arrogant pricks, but Eskel says it should be so, so Geralt listens. Eskel is the eldest brother after all, and besides, he's the kindest of them all.

So Geralt is thoroughly prepared when he unloads his car and carries the order into a huge house, more of a mansion really, and on the porch there's a young man in a wheelchair.

The man is reading, but when he lifts his eyes, Geralt almost drops his load, because he's faced with the bluest eyes, peaking at him from under a messy brown fringe. 

"Oh, so you're the butcher. Must admit, never expected a butcher to be so sexy."

Geralt can only grunt to that. 

"Sorry! Look at me, objectifying you right from the start! Go in, go in, handsome stranger!"

Geralt does go in, leaves the order in the kitchen and leaves himself immediately.

***

"What the fuck, Geralt!?" Eskel yells. "It's ouf first celebrity order and you fuck it up!"

Geralt can't stand it and so he fucks off to the animals. 

But he returns some time later for clarification. 

"Celebrity order?"

"Yes! You might be good with animals, you're running the farm after all, but Jaskier Pankratz… he's the biggest name in the music industry right now! He writes music for blockbusters, writes songs for the biggest singers!"

Geralt, again, can only grunt to this. He does google Jaskier Pankratz later and learns that Eskel is right, as he usually is. He learns that every big movie that comes out has Jaskier Pankratz as the composer, and that, surely, every popstar has at least one song written by Jaskier Pankratz, and it tends to be the most popular song…

"Fuck," Geralt says. 

***

"But, he's like 14!" Geralt says a few days later. Eskel understands him perfectly, though, he's the best brother. 

"No, he's in his thirties. Has just made it, really. Worked really hard. Tough kid."

The last thing Geralt would say about Jaskier is that he's any kind of _tough_ , but then he thinks better…

Actually, he doesn't know why he's thinking about Jaskier at all. His songs are terribly catchy, and Geralt wants to clean his ears all the time, because having heard one Jaskier's song, he can't get rid of it, and the same thing happens with another song and another song and another song. His voice is beautiful…

Geralt isn't sure why he's thinking about it, but he delivers Jaskier's order the following week. 

Jaskier is on the porch again, smoking and strumming at his guitar. There are screams coming from the house. Jaskier sighs.

"Ev… everything alright?" Geralt asks. He doesn't notice how heavy the box he's caring is, because… Hmm… Because Jaskier looks up at him and smiles. Then the smile fades, and Geralt looks up to the sky to check for the rain, but it's clear, no clouds at all, so it's just the smile that faded. 

"My ex is a bit too emotional… See, he was hoping I'd be helpless and in need of care, and it turns out I'm quite fine."

"Do you want me to toss him out?" Geralt hears himself asking. 

"Oh, no, dear heart, don't bother. He'll make sure that it's too difficult to navigate the house without him and then he'll leave and wait until I call him. It never happened but you can't blame the boy for trying."

Geralt carefully puts the steaks down. He rolls his sleeves up and enters the house. 

Jaskier shakes his head - but soon a young man comes out aflying and drops into the dust. "And stay out!" Geralt yells from the doorway. 

"That might be the single sexiest thing I've witnessed," Jaskier concludes. 

His ex is about to get up and right on time, because there's a white Mercedes floating by and stopping behind Geralt's truck. 

A charming middle-aged man with a charming beard and feral smile steps down from the car and almost on the back of Jaskier's ex. "You again, Valdo. I'll send you the bill. And a restraining order." 

The charming man comes up the stairs, winks at Jaskier, shakes Geralt's hand and enters the house. 

"Oh… oh, this is my manager. For whatever reason his name is Mousesack."

Geralt notices that Jaskier's wheelchair is a very old one, it's a masterpiece actually, but it's not motorized. Geralt frowns and growls. 

"Oh, oh, don't worry. It's my favourite. Helps me keep my arms in shape, looks great." 

"That fucker tried to break the elevator!" Mousesack screams from inside the house. 

"It's alright," Jaskier yells back. He looks at Geralt again, so soft and sunny. "Really, compared to what I heard when I started out and how much stale bread I had to dodge when some lovely people tried to convince me that _a cripple_ can't sing… it's nothing. Thank you, Geralt." Jaskier smiles at Geralt as if Geralt were a flower, and the prettiest one too. 

Geralt growls. He's not a kind man, according to his own opinion, and he doesn't know a thing about his own emotions, but he's pretty sure that what he's experiencing is possessive anger, which is… peculiar. 

***

The only good thing about being Geralt, according to Geralt, is that Geralt doesn't give a damn about what anyone thinks. Well, that's his opinion as well, and he's a bit unreliable. But ok, he has faced mad animal rights activists who threw shit at him and tried to set his car on fire when he tried to get inside his garage, while his daughter screamed in fear, curling onto herself in the backseat. 

And he read some nasty things about himself too. It's one of the reasons why he doesn't see his daughter as often as he'd like. He's a stonehearted man, you see, so it doesn't matter, really. 

He holds a ceremony for every animal he… well, butchers, thanking it for all it has done and making sure to kill it swiftly and with anaesthesia. It makes his produce expensive, alright, but he never meant to compete with anyone. He just wants to do right by the animals. 

No, actually, he doesn't care. 

And he doesn't miss his daughter that much. It's alright, she's happy with her mom… 

As she should be! Geralt's own ex, Yennefer Vengerberg, is a rich socialite who Geralt had in ill-considered night of passion with… it wasn't that ill-considered, actually. Now they have Ciri, and they'd kill for her. Geralt is pretty sure no one has ever seen the people who tried to set his car on fire ever again. 

What matters, though, is that Geralt doesn't care what anyone will think of him, when he delivers the order next week and asks Jaskier out. He doesn't need to worry. He's a farmer and a butcher, Jaskier is a superstar who writes earworms that torture Geralt's ears. Jaskier will refuse, Geralt will shrug and be glad that he has got it out of his system.

Ok, he might sulk and brood a bit. That's what he did when Yennefer rejected his marriage proposal, saying that alright, the sex had been fun and they would have a child, but really, _that's hardly enough for a good marriage, Geralt_.

Geralt knows that Eskel adores Yennefer. Or is scared of her shitless. One can never tell with those polite people. 

But of course, fuck his luck, Geralt isn't refused and can't spend a weekend sulking and listening to Celine Dion.

"I'd love to have dinner with you, Geralt!" Jaskier seems delighted. Maybe he's not just incredibly beautiful and talented, maybe he's also stone cold stupid! 

Jaskier sees Geralt's confused frown. "Was it… was it a prank?" He asks quietly.

"Prank? What? No! You're hot!" Geralt blushes. Damn his paleness, damn everything, he must be blushing so hard he's well-done, and he really prefers it medium rare.

"That I am," Jaskier replies firmly and leans back in his sexy vintage… machine. It's something out of a steampunk movie today. "You just seemed… disappointed."

"Oh come on, look at me! I'm…"

"A terribly hot man. Big and muscled and with those intense yellow eyes and that sexy gray hair…" Jaskier winks at Geralt and Geralt wants to propose. He needs to work on himself, he can't propose to everyone who winks at him. 

"Do you think you could cook for us?" Jaskier asks then. "I have a lovely garden, and there must be a grill somewhere here… or we could go and buy one! Oh, yes, we're going to buy one!"

Geralt vaguely remembers that he has some more orders to deliver. He says so. 

"Oh… oh dear. Alright. Tell me where to meet you and when! We'll go grill shopping! And I want to pick an outfit for us, I mean for me, you do you, sexy, all black and brooding."

***

It turns out Jaskier likes his cars vintage too, and hell, those muscles drive Geralt crazy! He sees Jaskier arrive at the shop Geralt has told him about, pull out a very simple wheelchair from the passenger seat, unfold it, transfer into it, give a couple of autographs as he does so.

And then he's inside the shop, chaotic and swirling and causing a riot, because he's funny and handsome and a superstar. 

Despite Geralt's objections, he buys the most ridiculous and impractical grill. 

"Now, you, my hero, will pack it into my Aston Martin and then we'll be on our merry way!"

***

And then they stop by a few shops so that Jaskier can pick a proper outfit. It's all very flashy, but Jaskier beams with joy, so Geralt doesn't care. 

***

And then they drive back. Jaskier's driving is just as chaotic as the rest of him, but Geralt can't stop looking at him. 

And Jaskier never stops talking, he _is_ an earworm, but he's a very sexy earworm, so Geralt doesn't mind that either. He thinks he wouldn't mind to be grilled on that stupid grill if it meant bringing _that_ smile to Jaskier's lips.

***

Jaskier's garden is indeed lovely. Jaskier causes a few minor disasters setting up the lights. No, he doesn't listen to Geralt when Geralt warns him against fiddling with the electricity. No, he wants to do it all by himself because he has a _vision_. No, he won't fall off his wheelchair, yes, he does fall off his wheelchair, no, he doesn't need any help with getting back into it, yes, he's very pissed off that Geralt thinks he can't do everything by himself!

"You're about to get electrocuted, you idiot!" Geralt yells finally. "Fuck, it has nothing with your wheelchair and everything with you having no fucking idea about electricity!"

"Well, I can live with that. I demand a kiss!"

"It's our first date!" And Geralt is watching the steaks.

"You just told me you knocked up your one-night-stand!"

"Fair enough." Geralt mentally says goodbye to all things medium rare, and sends an apology to the cattle heaven, but he leans in and kisses Jaskier. 

Oh fuck. Jaskier is… he's all colours and music and so much joy! His lips are soft, his hands are insistent…

"Darling… oh, you're so… yes, another kiss. Fuck dinner."

Geralt doesn't want to fuck dinner, so he makes a Herculean effort and returns to grilling. 

Jaskier moans like a pornstar when he tastes Geralt's cock… cooking! So it's all worth it. 

***

Geralt wakes up in a huge bed, cuddled within an inch of his life by Jaskier's formidable arms… He seems to be objectifying Jaskier's arms, oh no… 

Jaskier's arms pull harder and the man cuddles closer. 

"Morning, Geralt… don't leave just now, ok? You're warm."

The man can talk. He runs so hot, he's so attentive and tender, and oh, his mouth. Geralt blushes just thinking the word _mouth_. 

***

Jaskier is, of course, Ciri's idol. 

Jaskier hates horses but he is brave about it and stubbornly gets on one of Geralt's horses. The horse isn't impressed and neither is Jaskier, but they make do and manage to ride for a while. Geralt is happy to hold Jaskier tight and has an excuse of keeping him safe every time he can't help but squeeze Jaskier's waist.

"Could we ride into the sunset, darling?"

"It's morning, Jask."

"Doesn't answer my question," Jaskier retorts. But he turns his head and kisses Geralt's cheek. 

***

Oh, who am I kidding!? Jaskier proposes on their third official date. 


End file.
